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Domestic violence

Domestic violence

June 20, 2020

During her lifetime and globally, one in five women will be a victim of rape or attempted rape ... and one in three women will have been beaten, coerced into having sex or victimized other abuse. And 43% of murders where the victim was a woman will have occurred in a marital context.

In Quebec alone and on an annual basis, the police services record more than 20,000 offenses committed in a marital context, which represents 30% of all crimes committed against the person. 78% of the victims were women. Unfortunately, this figure is only part of the story, as only 36% of victims reported their assault.

This scourge unfortunately affects not only women, but also young girls ... the proof being that 40% of victims of domestic violence are between 18 and 29 years old. And of course, this is without counting the direct consequences on the poor children of the victims ... 1 in 4 children would be exposed to a form of domestic violence between spouses and on an annual basis, more than 500 minors would be victims of physical violence. during domestic violence events reported to the police.

Together, we must end this situation! To get there, the first step is to educate yourself on this important cause.

 

But what is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is very special. She persists over time and slowly but surely builds a dynamic that allows the abuser to maintain control over her partner in order to dominate her victim and ensure that she never leaves him.

There are 5 forms of domestic violence:

Verbal: Loud voices, cries, yells, threats, prohibitions, blackmail, orders ...

Psychological: Series of contemptuous, humiliating attitudes and words ...

Physical: Blows, brutality, physical constraint, slapping ...

Sexual: Forced sex ...

Economic: Control the budget and expenses, control over the choice of work and the hours worked, denial of access to finances, request for money ...

To understand how the victim experiences domestic violence it is important to understand the cycle of violence.

The attacker will use a 4-phase cycle that will create a certain emotion to the woman:

  1. Tension (intimidation, threatening glances) = anxiety
  2. Aggression (verbal, psychological, physical, sexual or economic) = anger and shame
  3. Justification (find excuses) = accountability (it's my fault I will adjust)
  4. Reconciliation (talks about therapy, gives gifts, is very kind) = hope (he will change)

As the cycle repeats, the woman comes to see violence as normal and justified. Her tolerance level increases to the point where she no longer sees the daily check-up. This violence has devastating effects on the mental and physical health of the women who are victims of it. Many women feel helpless, they remain silent and they live in secrecy and shame, believing that any attempt to get out of this is doomed.

 

But why does the victim stay?

When a woman realizes the impasse she is going through, she often feels physically and psychologically exhausted. She is ashamed and feels guilty. Remember, her attacker is also a man she loves! Some are linked to fond memories, to hope, to children, or some are downright afraid of the unknown and poverty. These women will need a lot of support to get out of this vicious circle and overcome future challenges.

 

What to do if you are a victim?

If it is an emergency situation, call 911. To speak to workers specialized in domestic violence, contact SOS violence conjugale: 1 800 363-9010, or one of the 43 member houses of the Regroupement des homes for women victims of domestic violence. They can direct you to the appropriate resources or inform you about the services offered in the home (safe accommodation, listening and mutual aid, intervention appropriate to the needs of the children, development of a personalized protection scenario, support in legal and other procedures, follow-up. post accommodation, outpatient consultation).

 

How can we help the victim?

When you know someone who is a victim of domestic violence, it is important to intervene, because doing nothing keeps them helpless. She understands that she will not have the support of others, that she has to fend for herself and that if she finds herself in this situation it may be her fault.

Here are some useful tips for supporting a loved one victim of domestic violence:

  • Trying to understand her fears, doubts, guilt or shame and the effect the cycle has on her rather than blaming or judging her;
  • Break her isolation and maintain a bond with her, even if the aggressor does everything to isolate her;
  • Open a dialogue on her perception of the situation;
  • Never speak against the aggressor;
  • Remain focused on her, without ever making a decision for her;
  • Inform her and help her find resources if she asks.
  • If you witness a scene of violence and fear for the victim's safety, it is best to contact the police.

 

What to do if you are close to the abuser?

If you close your eyes, you send the message to the abuser that you approve of their actions. He understands that he can continue to do so legitimately without facing the consequences of his actions.

As soon as the situation has been identified, it is therefore necessary to intervene with the aggressor:

  • Affirm that violence is unacceptable and that no one deserves to suffer it, regardless of who they are, what they do or what they say;
  • Refuse the justifications for violence;
  • Let him know that his violent behavior is not acceptable;
  • Inform him of existing resources.

 

Our partner organization and how can we help us make a difference?

For this special collection, we have decided to join forces with the Regroupement des Maisons pour Femmes Victimes de Violence Conjugale.

With 43 houses located across Quebec, the group constitutes a vast network committed, since 1979, to the right to physical and psychological integrity of women. Last year alone, the group hosted more than 2,800 women and 2,200 children, not counting the women and children who received more than 17,000 services other than accommodation (outpatient consultations, support in procedures, post-treatment follow-up. accommodation, etc.).

In addition, the centers responded to more than 70,000 requests for information or advice from women, relatives or professionals while organizing more than 1,300 prevention and awareness activities in their community.

To help the group support these many women and children in need, we will donate $ 1 for each item sold. In addition, and with the aim of helping as many women and children as possible to emerge from the shadows, we have developed a series of educational capsules to raise awareness of this major issue.

 

 

Thank you in advance for helping us contribute to the success of this great organization and thus helping the Stylence community to make a difference in style!

Steve & Stephanie 

 




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